Today on the beach a man squatted by my chair and said "Ah luuuv Eye-talians."I didn't reply, but he kept looking at me as if I were obliged to respond. Very slowly I said "I am half Latvian and half Creole. All my uncles have been executed by various governments for the crime of murder. We're an unrepentant lot. All I need to do is just look at a boat and it will sink."
He then said "I once had me an Eye-talian boyfriend. Wouldn't eat nothin but tofu and sprouts. Took me five years to get him to eat some dessert. Now he'll eat thet. I got him a puppy and I said 'Now Tommy don't you make this puppy eat none of thet junk. Well I went over there on Christmas and that puppy had broke its paw in two places and I said 'Tommy ah'm givin this dawg ice cream.'"
After an hour, I said "Please let your name be Lusitania, and if it isn't, please Jesus, let my name be Lusitania and let me see my reflection in your sunglasses."